Tag: never give up

Posted on in Fitness, personal growth

Writing on my soul

I NEVER realized how deep I wrote on my soul that my happiness would depend on my relationship with my adult children. 

I know this comes from a specific time in my childhood that I desperately needed it and couldn’t get it.  

I blame no one. 

We are all here to heal.  

It’s beginning to make sense that I so deeply waiting years, days, minutes, and even seconds to have a wonderful empty nest life that was still ao filled with my adult children that I would feel like a queen sitting atop my accomplishments of a wonderful family.

But for over two years now that is not how it is.

And I struggle to make sense of why I’m here if not for my children even in adulthood.

How did I get to this point?

How did I get to this thinking pattern that is just making its true presence known?

I was in a Facebook group for empty nesters and had to leave because it was so depressing watching grown women not want to live if their children wanted nothing to do with them.

Let alone Mother’s who jsut couldn’t seem to let the child grow up.

I was prepared for my children to go off and do great things. I really was.

I was excited for them to do better than me!

To grab life and go for a ride.

I couldn’t grow watching so many other women stay in their pool of sadness.

Ugh

I have actively worked through all these feelings looking for a way to be excited about life all by myself.

It doesn’t feel as exciting.

But I don’t want to be that mom that can’t move on.

I even convinced myself that my children have alwyas watched my behaviors so I need to keep making my behaviors strong and growing.

Because they may be in this mode someday and I need to give them something to hold on to.

If mom was able to do it, so can I!

But wow.

I did start working on this early.

I can’t imagine had I not bothered.

I can’t imagine being slapped with this feeling out of nowhere.

The best I have to go on is making sure they value themselves as a human.

If I can’t do that then I give them nothing.

So while it still hurts daily I will continue to move forward with the mindset of I need to be an example.

Being a mom was truly the best.

But what if not all my kids get to be a mom or dad.

Don’t o want them to value themselves anyway?

Ugh

I do. But I am struggling to value myself while feeling so alone.

But I will make it.

Like all other struggles in my life I have learned to take it one day at a time.

Wake up. Find a purpose in this day alone.

And pretty soon the hurt doesn’t hurt so bad.

Mom

I have loved being mom

I need to find me.

Posted on in Fitness

Rocking Foot Gait

Since August of 2021 I have been working on healing my right foot gait.

How do I know it was wrong or bad? I’m not even sure anymore because for so long everything on my right side hurt and that’s why I never ran anymore. Historically, two miles in and my right knee felt like someone clamped a vise grip on it.

I eventually became one of those instructors/trainers that said running sucked but lifting weights was better! Then I met my masseuse! She started work on my quads and it took what felt like weeks and months to get some relief from tight quads. Over time she mentioned how the foot is so often the cause of so much. She mentioned that callous that everyone has on at least one foot. You know, the one on the ball of the foot that gets so big you want to file it down???

When I started following @gaithappens and learned why the callous was there, it BLEW MY MIND! Within months it became clear that not only did I have serious movement economy issues with my right foot…so did just about every single client I have!

I love that I’m so normal that I have all the same problems my clients do and I can totally fix myself and turn around and help them fix themselves!

It’s now October and as of this past August I still was NOT 100% in my right foot gait. I know I can be pain free and I wasn’t quite there. I still had a bit of knee pain and some calf swelling and a fair amount of foot discomfort in the fascia.

But this past week a complete revelation has come to me. I knew I simply had to continue perfecting my right foot gait. Something was missing. Then I was walking into the grocery store and wondering why my right foot constantly has to be reshifted inside my shoe to fit right. It’s ever so slight. Likely 3 mm. But to be honest, I KNEW the answer was there and I just needed to keep trying.

I never have to reshift my left foot inside my shoe. It just fits perfect all day long. My right foot fits perfect too! Until I walk. After several steps I notice I have to shift. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

Then the video came to mind. The video where I watched Dr. Conley speak of rocking the foot. She used the skeleton foot to show how the foot is supposed to rock from the heel to the ball of the foot in such a way that the natural pronation/supination happens ever so slightly and the arch does it’s job just perfectly.

I’ve noticed for some time that my heel actually seems to pull in medially just as much as my toes turned laterally. If I pulled my toes in medially, it just didn’t feel so great. It felt uncomfortable.

But if I turned my heel out laterally a teeny bit and then turned my toes in medially a teeny bit….PERFECT! Not only did it feel just right, I was able to make my gait fall in that pattern almost naturally!

How freaking cool! If I slow down just enough to focus on this, it works every single step!

Since that moment, I have had ZERO knee discomfort/pain!

I AM EXCITED AND GEEKED TO THE MAX!

Stay tuned to hear how fast my knee heals and I’m back to squatting and running easy!