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I NEVER realized how deep I wrote on my soul that my happiness would depend on my relationship with my adult children.
I know this comes from a specific time in my childhood that I desperately needed it and couldn’t get it.
I blame no one.
We are all here to heal.
It’s beginning to make sense that I so deeply waiting years, days, minutes, and even seconds to have a wonderful empty nest life that was still ao filled with my adult children that I would feel like a queen sitting atop my accomplishments of a wonderful family.
But for over two years now that is not how it is.
And I struggle to make sense of why I’m here if not for my children even in adulthood.
How did I get to this point?
How did I get to this thinking pattern that is just making its true presence known?
I was in a Facebook group for empty nesters and had to leave because it was so depressing watching grown women not want to live if their children wanted nothing to do with them.
Let alone Mother’s who jsut couldn’t seem to let the child grow up.
I was prepared for my children to go off and do great things. I really was.
I was excited for them to do better than me!
To grab life and go for a ride.
I couldn’t grow watching so many other women stay in their pool of sadness.
Ugh
I have actively worked through all these feelings looking for a way to be excited about life all by myself.
It doesn’t feel as exciting.
But I don’t want to be that mom that can’t move on.
I even convinced myself that my children have alwyas watched my behaviors so I need to keep making my behaviors strong and growing.
Because they may be in this mode someday and I need to give them something to hold on to.
If mom was able to do it, so can I!
But wow.
I did start working on this early.
I can’t imagine had I not bothered.
I can’t imagine being slapped with this feeling out of nowhere.
The best I have to go on is making sure they value themselves as a human.
If I can’t do that then I give them nothing.
So while it still hurts daily I will continue to move forward with the mindset of I need to be an example.
Being a mom was truly the best.
But what if not all my kids get to be a mom or dad.
Don’t o want them to value themselves anyway?
Ugh
I do. But I am struggling to value myself while feeling so alone.
But I will make it.
Like all other struggles in my life I have learned to take it one day at a time.
Wake up. Find a purpose in this day alone.
And pretty soon the hurt doesn’t hurt so bad.
Mom
I have loved being mom
I need to find me.
Are you tired of getting weaker and fatter?
I was in 2006.
I said yes to becoming a fitness instructor while looking and feeling like this ⬇️
One year later (2007) I looked like this ⬇️
Two years later (2008) I looked like this ⬇️
Four years later started my own fitness business 2012
2022-Present
I never dieted! I simply started out by exercising (and getting paid) and then when I saw my belly had lost ZERO I knew it was my eating habits (I had insulin resistance).
So I simply changed my eating habits by learning to eat LOW GLYCEMIC carbohydrates and eventually reversed my insulin resistance.
At one point life fell completely apart and while I did gain some weight, I knew exactly how to reverse it WITHOUT DIETING!
The ENTIRE TIME from 2006 – Present…I average 1800-2600 calories on a very regular basis!
Now I teach ladies how to reverse INSULIN RESISTANCE and take a HEALTH FIRST APPROACH to optimal health and fitness!
These ladies are coming out of this group feeling so CONFIDENT and strong that nothing stops them and their life is completely changed!
If you want to be a part of this…CLICK HERE and please message me with questions.
I am changing the world one lady at a time and I have a goal of over 1000 ladies this year!
These ladies will change their families and we will create a healthier community!
I’ve already made sure that health and fitness is a part of my son’s life!

Me, the damaged body Brenda. Me, the solopreneur, climbing my own ladder. Me, the Empty Nest Mom, alone and finding new. Me, the trainer wanting more challenges.
The big question is…what do I want? Where do I really want to go?
I do feel my answers need to include income. But just tonight I realized what if I simply listed what I super duper enjoy and want to be, have and do and if it doesn’t include income why stress?
Haha, because we all need money to live. Many of us want to grow. We want to personally develop ourselves into our own greatness.
I don’t really feel I’m contributing to this world if I don’t grow and develop into more continually.
I despise being sedentary. An occasional day or two for an intense rest but sedentary is not for me!
I want to HEAL. I want to physically get strong. I want to grow my income to 10 times what it is. I want to visit my children at any time I choose.
I want to travel to all the state parks in the US. I want to own a house even though I thought I did not. I want to buy my mom a house.
So many things I want to do. I seem to be in a conundrum of lonliness because finding someone to share my joy and grow with me is scarce!
I hear the journey to the top is very lonely so I must remember that I’m no different than anyone else and this is a journey I am going through.
The amount of growth I’ve experienced since even July of this year is phenomenal. So I must push for my #impossiblegoals and see what life is like on the other side.
I feel the Empty Nest version of me is at a fork in the road, as is the trainer in me. I feel excitement about becoming an entrepreneur over a solopreneur. I feel excitement about creating a online program that will help thousands of people simplify the human basics to weight management and help them start enjoying life as they move toward their happy maintenance!
I feel excitement at visiting my adult children each time I “want” to and I feel excitement thinking about my mom having a place of her own!
I’m super excited to get some of my pain under control and even reversed! I’m ready to become a new person.
I keep hearing that when life feels like a super ball of mess as if it was about to all crumble is exactly when you’re about to have a growth spurt!
So let’s do it!
Let this be my record of intent!
I had a crying spell yesterday after my consult with a doctor in Chicago. He heard me. I knew he understood me when he described back what he heard and what his assumptions on what my struggles are.
Have you ever went so long feeling UNHEARD that when someone finally did, you just wept?
I love having space for just me. The me when I’m happy, the me when I’m sad, the me when I’m mad.
A place where I can say what I want and be who I want.
This is ME!
For three years now, I’ve struggled losing strength slowly. I’d take three steps forward and be thrown two steps back. Half the time feeling like a crazy person and half the time feeling like I know exactly what I am talking about.
I believe I have nerve entrapment. I believe my FOUR C-section scars (the very same scar each time) has grown through my tendons and ligament and all my inguinal ligament on my right hip and caused pulling on groin muscles, causing nerve entrapment and numbness and weakness and sometimes the kind of weakness that stops you and drops you in your tracks.
The good news is that I have come forward a fair amount. Not as far as I would prefer in three years but I do know I’ve not fallen backwards.
At 55, I don’t feel I have room to play. I MUST build my bones and not being able to strength train regularly worries me.
I have what I thought was a trigger point in my rectus femoris (thigh muscle) and I worked it really hard. At the time it felt very relieved and great! But…then I coudn’t move for days…I still can’t walk without what feels like a nerve pinching. It’s awful! My lower body from the belly button down is so tired and weak feeling.
But in 10 days I go see Dr. Shutlz and he specializes in nerve entrapment and I plan to feel better by the end of January if not sooner!
Don’t ever give up on yourself!
I wanted a fourth child but couldn’t get the relationship right. Got pregnant and divorced altogether. But I was happy to be in a position to keep my kids near me while working and I was able to nurse my fourth child for two years.
I was so happy to provide for him what I couldn’t fully to all of my children. His dad is/was a great dad. He spent time with him from the very beginning and as soon as I was done nursing, my son spent every weekend with his dad.
I was fine with that because I had three girls 10 and under that needed me. My son also spent 3-4 evenings with his dad as well. Came home each night for bedtime and I was happy he had a father who spent a lot of time with him.
BUT…there’s a but here.
I counted and most of the time, FOUR nights a week my son would come home with left over McDonalds, Burger King or KFC. It began to bother me greatly. My son was developing serious nasal breathing issues and I was convinced his diet played a role. He would play video games with his mouth open and head down and I hated it.
I began research and obviously figured out all the toxins that come with fast food. I’m not a fast food HATER (well kind of but not really), I believe our bodies are made to cleanse themselves and detox. EXCEPT, when we OVERLOAD it with toxins so often.
It was a struggle, but as my son got older I began to put in his head that McDonalds wasn’t good to be eating every day and that he should ask his dad to eat different sometimes. This is where KFC came into play.
Ok, it’s different LOL! We kept working on it and meantime, when my son was with me he was not allowed to keep his mouth open. If he wanted to play video games he HAD to keep his mouth closed.
It took time but I WON THAT BATTLE. His stuffy nose began to disappear! Can you believe it? The habits we learn to live with are so important!
Long story short, as my son got closer to middle school / high school sports he spent more time at home and I pushed healthier home made meals on him and constantly shared with him reasons why we eat this and that.
At my studio I have posters and signs about all three macros and nutrients. At one point I kept a sign in the bathroom and he would read it while pooping. I never knew until he came home one day in middle school and said MOM! I was the only one is science class to know the answers about macros!
That’s when I learned he had been reading the sign and soaking up the information and I was ECSTATIC!
At 13 my son became interested in lifting weights. I shared some tips and as he began lifting with the new high school coach he became much more serious.
Today my son is knowledgeable enough about health and fitness I would let him lead my own clients!
I’m proud of him. He’s helped many other kids and teens and I know he’ll do great things!
I DID THAT! I taught him by leading with example! Only he’s much more ripped!

There was a point at which my dad was very near the end. He might wake and look us in the eye or he might nod his head or even try to mouth a word.
Long before this I had convinced myself I was going to come with clean, pure, balanced, calm energy.
I sat on his right side holding his right hand with my left, my elbows resting on my knees, my breathing rate was very calm and I felt an intense freedom on my left side.
For some time now, I’ve thought it was because I had better control on my left side and that I was too “right” dominant to control my right side.
I felt as if someone had cinched up a handful of threads on my right seam and caused my entire right side to “cinch” up!
All this time, I have worked mentally to fix this in my brain. The more I’ve learned (it’s a TON) and the more I’ve experienced with healing my right hip, the more I understand about the human right dominant experience and our tendencies. I have come to realize what was really happening with my sensations during my fathers passing.
I was actually feeling my body at a rest it’s never experienced before.
The cinched feeling around my right wrist was the after effects of spending 50 years with tight tendons and fascia around my wrist.
The rope like pull I felt from the right occiput down through the right trap and into the rear to mid shoulder joint, was the residual effect of tight neck and shoulders from a habit of carrying stress in my neck and shoulders.
It wasn’t that I “couldn’t” relax, I WAS relaxed and fully relaxed. It was simply that the right side of my body was worn like an OLD PAIR of shoes because of my habitual tendencies. My left side felt like a barely worn NEW PAIR of shoes!
Old, used, rugged and frayed small and large ropes resided in the place of medial and lateral tendons up and down my neck, shoulder, arm and even into the hip and knee.
All this time I thought I couldn’t truly relax, it was. I was simply feeling the EFFECTS of a lifetime of HARD RIGHT dominance.
While I know I can build the strength back up, and even gain better mobility on the right side of my body, I will always have more damage on the right than the left.
If I can help others become more aware of their own dominance, I believe I can help the framework of their body stay stronger longer.
One thing I preach to my clients on a regular basis, is to do things with the opposite side as often as possible!
Whether it be to hold a door open with the opposite foot, or to use the opposite hand to unlock a door, OR brush your teeth with the opposite hand!
Let’s ask Andrea van der Laan!

January 8, 2024
I’d love to introduce my client Andrea van der Laan. I believe I first met her in December 2012 when I first opened my fitness studio on the west end of town.
When I met Andrea she was the Superintendent of Buchanan Community Schools and very active in the community. As she continued working toward more movement we got to know each other more and more.
I’ve lined up a few interview questions for Andrea as she’s had such wonderful progress over the last ten years.
Andrea, what is your first recollection of meeting me? And what inspired you to begin fitness classes?
Andrea: Great question! I had gotten into a habit of skipping breakfast and had relied on lunch around 11 each day. This was not reality. I was moving from meeting to meeting where there were snacks (donuts, cookies, pies etc.) Many times, last minute meetings interfered with lunch and I found myself in the mid-afternoon slump which led to finding something to eat. Again many unhealthy choices. I had gained a lot of weight. I had an aha moment when climbing to the second floor of the high school and had to stop half way to catch my breath. I also discovered I could no longer bend down to tie shoes and putting my foot on a chair to do so was a hard task.I realized I was way too young to be this out of shape.Coming from a family with heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes, this scared me.
When Bucktown Studio opened I was excited to start exercising. These classes were the basic aerobic and pump and sculpt classes. As much as I tried, I was not a regular. I remember meeting Brenda with the pump and sculpt class. I really liked her instruction and upbeat attitude while teaching.
When Bucktown Studio moved downtown , I followed her and continued to try several classes including yoga and zumba. I even went to some weight watcher meetings that were offered. Some of the weight came off and I was sleeping and feeling better but my 12 hour days still did not allow me to be a regular. However, I do remember making sure I went to her pump and sculpt class. It was my favorite. I was happy at this point just making the attempt to get better.

BLTraining: Health and fitness go hand in hand but yet the two are completely different. Health has to do with the quality of your state of being and fitness has to do with being able to perform tasks physically.
At what point do you feel you began to get serious about your overall fitness? What about the health part of it?
Andrea: When Brenda rebranded to BLTraining and moved, I decided to follow her due to the way she instructed her classes. I do remember trying aerobics and found I had a hard time getting through 20 minutes. I also remember hating to sweat. While I was starting to lose weight (perhaps 10-15 pounds at this point), there was a time I didn’t feel weight was coming off fast enough and almost decided to quit going. But Brenda kept changing and learning and she started sharing her knowledge not only about exercise but also about muscle groups and nutrition. We started more focused strength training, learned about small muscles, did cardio, discussed nutrition, etc. These little tidbits were making sense to me even though I didn’t always follow what she was sharing. Believe it or not, I really didn’t get serious about the fitness portion until 2017 when I retired! By this time, Brenda was moving into personal training and really focusing on flexibility and movement. I signed up for a personal session. I was not flexible at all! She pointed out several areas for improvement but started small. She gave me several exercises to do during the week before we met again. I met with her one on one for a month or two. She then started an IMPEL class which had five members in it. These were the same five women who followed her like I did. As we moved into talking about nutrition and sharing our failures and successes, they were a great support group. If I didn’t show up for a class, there was often a text asking where I was. At one point they asked if I was home eating potato chips. I replied that I was not. I was eating pretzels! While funny, it also goes to show how we were holding each other accountable. Brenda had even had us setting goals and was starting to weigh and measure us as we moved through our journeys together.

BLTraining: What was life like regarding caloric intake, quality of food intake before you began to get serious?
Andrea: I focused solely on exercise, flexibility and movement for almost three years. Brenda continued to push and started asking us about calories. If we came to a night class without at least 1200 – 1500 calories, she would not let us participate in the class. (Take into consideration this was after she had really gotten to know us and started to push us harder. I was no longer afraid of sweat. As a matter of fact, if I didn’t get sweaty, I didn’t think I worked out at all!)
Brenda was continually talking to us about macros and calorie intake. Many other programs I had tried (weight watcher, nutrisystem, fitness pal) wanted me to be at 1200 hundred calories in order to lose weight. Yes, these programs also talked about healthy eating but I was ALWAYS hungry and continued to fall back into bad patterns.
We first focused on macros (protein, carbs, and fats). We discovered I was getting less than 10% protein per day, my fiber was low and carbs were mostly junk food. I worked very hard at getting my protein up and now average 25-27% protein PER MEAL. I am continually working on carbs (fruits and veggies) and healthy fats. Overall, my macros are usually balanced at every meal.
When Brenda wanted me to eat 1800 calories a day, I found it difficult to do so. I was full all the time.
I had lost about 25 pounds by this time but had plateaued for more than a year. Brenda looked me in the eye and told me it was in the kitchen! In other words, look at what I was eating and move to more nutritious food.
To be honest this is a continual struggle. I rely on my support group for help. After getting my protein in line, my next goal was to get in 3 veggies a day and to get rid of snack foods. When I started focusing on this, I dropped another 15 pounds. There are times when I still eat too many cookies and have too many snacks during the week. Brenda knows me so well that she will text me and ask how I am doing. She usually “catches” me during these moments and I get back on track. That doesn’t mean I can never eat a cookie, have a piece of cake, etc. I just don’t want to binge on them and my goal is to mostly eat healthy all the time. I am a work in progress. Even though I am in Florida during the winter, I still get exercises from Brenda, do activities on my own and hear from my support buddies. This winter I am currently down another 5 pounds. I also try not to eat under 2200-2300 calories per day (yes, I still have 1700 days but more often I eat over 2300 calories. I even have some 2700 – 3000 calorie days). The more active I am, the more I eat. I also have learned that if I don’t eat enough and keep my protein up, I end up with sore muscles and in some cases minor injuries.
Interestingly enough, my inches have gone way down, I am no longer embarrassed to wear tank tops (I am actually quite proud of the muscles 🙂 I have gained.) I am way more toned in every part of my body, down to a size ten, and am way more flexible than I have been in 20+ years. My cardio is to the point that Brenda has to really push me to get my cardio up! I am sleeping 7-8 hours per day as well. My overall health is better now than when I was in my early 30’s.

BLTraining: What was this part of life like after you began to get serious back then?
Andrea: I have to move! I play pickleball 2-3 hours at a time several days a week. My husband and I are active competitive pistol shooters which also takes a lot of concentration and movement. I do some kind of activity on a daily basis even if it is just stretching and walking. I eat breakfast every morning within an hour of waking up. I try to work out in the mornings. This means eating when I am done. This might mean a snack between breakfast and lunch. I also may What was this part of life like after you began to get serious back then?
have another snack between lunch and dinner. If I eat an early dinner, I often have a snack at night. Popcorn has become a favorite. I am eating constantly. I am learning to listen to my body and eat when I am hungry. I continue to focus on healthy eating even though this is still a struggle. To date, I am down approximately 40 pounds and am now at about 14% body fat. I am no longer considered obese by the medical field.
BLTraninig: Did you find you had a hard time making changes?
Andrea: YES! The “kitchen” is my biggest struggle. I really have to think about what I eat. This may mean I eat differently than my husband. I make smoothies in the morning to which I add spinach. When I make scrambled eggs, I try to add peppers and onions. If I make a breakfast burrito and don’t have onions and peppers, I add salsa. I keep baby carrots and celery in my fridge for munching. I also keep apples, blueberries and halos. My husband and I also eat out a lot. If I eat hamburgers, I try to get a side of broccoli instead of fries. If it’s pizza, I have a side salad. Even with all of this, I am a work in progress when it comes to eating. This is my biggest struggle and continues to be so.
BLTraining: Did family or friends make it harder or easier to make changes?
Andrea: Both. I have family and friends who are very supportive, help me when I struggle, and encourage my progress. I also have those who think that by buying me chocolate, extra pie, etc. is what I want even though I tell them no thank you. I love chocolate, ice cream, and snacks like everyone else but I do NOT want them in my house. If I want them, I will go buy one candy bar or an ice cream cone and eat it right away.
If these things are in my house, I still don’t have the “willpower” to stop with one cookie. I will eat a BIG bowl of ice cream instead of one scoop. I am still a work in progress. I am better if these things are not in the house.
BLTraining: What does your active lifestyle look like these days?
Andrea: I start the day quiet (I am slow to wake up). I make a smoothie, drink my coffee, and take the dogs for a walk. I try to do some warm up exercises or some yoga. By 8:00 I am playing pickleball. This goes on for 2-3 hours. When I return home, it’s time for a snack, some stretching and then feeding and walking the dogs. Many days I also log onto Brenda’s app and also do the exercises she has programmed for me. I eat lunch and have snacks along the way. The rest of the day may be reading, doing home chores, gardening, etc. I do stop during the day to read, catch up on paperwork, watch T.V., etc. but mostly I am moving all the time.

BLTraining: How many calories do you typically intake currently?
Andrea: I try to stay around 2200-2300 most days. If I am really active, then I eat closer to 2700.
BLTraining: How many calories do you typically output currently?
Andrea: Most weeks I expend between 2200 – 2500 calories per day.
BLTraining: What do you find is the easiest part of your active lifestyle?
Andrea: I love moving. I have a hard time sitting still and am always looking for something to do. I have found that having daily exercises to do from Brenda is very helpful. I try to do those daily in addition to other activities. I really like Brenda’s app and count on this especially on rainy days. I know what she programs for me is based on my fitness level.
BLTraining: What do you find is the hardest part of your active lifestyle?
Andrea: Eating enough. I find it difficult to get rid of past perceptions of how people are supposed to lose weight. I have always been taught to exercise more and eat less. This has proved untrue. The more I exercise/have activity, the more I need to eat. The more I eat, the more muscle I gain and the leaner I look.
BLTraining: Overall how do “you” feel about yourself and your lifestyle right now?
Andrea: On a scale of 0-10 with 10 being the highest, I would give myself an 8. I struggle with eating healthy and continue to work on this. I am not sure whether I need to lose more weight (If I do, I would guess about 5-10 pounds) or whether eating healthier would bring the belly down more than it has already. I would say I am in maintenance mode at this point. Overall, I am really happy with how I look and feel.
BLTraining: What advice would you give to someone of middle age who currently does not incorporate fitness into their lives but are considering it?
Andrea: Get started with something even if it’s just walking daily. Move, move, move. I would also suggest yoga to begin getting some flexibility.
BLTraining: What advice would you give to those who have not yet chosen to make changes?
Andrea: It’s never too late no matter how old you are! I just met two women who are both 75. They play an excellent game of pickleball. I hope I am just like them when I am their age. I really didn’t get started until I was 59. I will be 65 in April and I am in better shape than when I was 30.
BLTraining: What is your favorite motto in life?
Andrea: Move it or lose it!
And there you have it folks! In my opinion, it pays to live your life around the environment you most want to be like! These stories lift me high! These stories make me deep down happy!
If you’re interested in seeing what’s possible for YOU, click here and schedule a consult! It costs you NOTHING to chat for a few!
BCAA stands for Branched Chain Amino Acids. Amino Acids are molecules that combine to form proteins.
Branched Chain Amino Acids are three specific amino acids that benefit the body in a great way regarding health and fitness. These three are Leucine, Isoleucine, and Valine. These three stimulate the building of protein in muscle.
Amino acids are the building blocks of ALL LIFE.
What does that actually mean? It means, when your body has to use, make, end hormonal processes…it is done by using a host of different proteins which are amino acids and enzymes!. It means, that our immune system uses proteins as fuel. So many that I can not even possibly list them all here.
Many years ago, I read about a study that said those who eat 30-40 grams of protein at breakfast and again at lunch had on average 50% more protein synthesis throughout their entire day!
I realized this is why my good days were so good! I was eating my share of protein early on in the day.
Dr. Stacy Sims is a researcher of women athletes and their specific physiology. I’ve read her book “Roar” and I’ve also taken her menopause course. I’ve learned that these protein requirements are even more important for women than they are for men.
When our female bodies go through the life changes, we need to “already” have lots of circulating proteins in our body.
To endure a virus that attacks us, we need to already have lots of proteins in our body for our immune system to work effeciently.
Women’s bodies work different than a male’s body. They lose weight easier, they tend to eat more junk food without gaining weight easier…we women simply need to be informed and ahead of the game.
I like to focus on no less than 30 grams of protien from wake up to noon. Then I focus on 30 more grams before 3-4 pm. Then more in the evening.
I also supplement with a BCAA drink in the morning, preferrably on an empty stomach so that those proteins can get to work!
I also use BCAA as a drink right after a vigorous training or high activity. This might be a mountain bike trail ride or it might be spring cleaning!
Dr. Stacy Sims recommends BCAA for two reasons…
1. It will help counter some of the central nervous system fatigue and clear some of the brain fog.
2. It also keeps some of the amino acids circulating and a high level in the blood to work with the other food you’re eating to stimulate muscle protein synthesis.
She is also quoted as saying “The thing that people forget is that (BCAA) Leucine crosses the blood brain barrier and helps our central nervous system fatigue and one of the biggest things we have in peri and post menopause is brain fog.”
If you’re ready to start adding protein to your life (there are hundreds more reasons to do so than what I’ve discussed here) CHECK OUT my recommendations page! You’ll find the exact products I use!