Tag: eat better

Posted on in Fitness, personal growth

Writing on my soul

I NEVER realized how deep I wrote on my soul that my happiness would depend on my relationship with my adult children. 

I know this comes from a specific time in my childhood that I desperately needed it and couldn’t get it.  

I blame no one. 

We are all here to heal.  

It’s beginning to make sense that I so deeply waiting years, days, minutes, and even seconds to have a wonderful empty nest life that was still ao filled with my adult children that I would feel like a queen sitting atop my accomplishments of a wonderful family.

But for over two years now that is not how it is.

And I struggle to make sense of why I’m here if not for my children even in adulthood.

How did I get to this point?

How did I get to this thinking pattern that is just making its true presence known?

I was in a Facebook group for empty nesters and had to leave because it was so depressing watching grown women not want to live if their children wanted nothing to do with them.

Let alone Mother’s who jsut couldn’t seem to let the child grow up.

I was prepared for my children to go off and do great things. I really was.

I was excited for them to do better than me!

To grab life and go for a ride.

I couldn’t grow watching so many other women stay in their pool of sadness.

Ugh

I have actively worked through all these feelings looking for a way to be excited about life all by myself.

It doesn’t feel as exciting.

But I don’t want to be that mom that can’t move on.

I even convinced myself that my children have alwyas watched my behaviors so I need to keep making my behaviors strong and growing.

Because they may be in this mode someday and I need to give them something to hold on to.

If mom was able to do it, so can I!

But wow.

I did start working on this early.

I can’t imagine had I not bothered.

I can’t imagine being slapped with this feeling out of nowhere.

The best I have to go on is making sure they value themselves as a human.

If I can’t do that then I give them nothing.

So while it still hurts daily I will continue to move forward with the mindset of I need to be an example.

Being a mom was truly the best.

But what if not all my kids get to be a mom or dad.

Don’t o want them to value themselves anyway?

Ugh

I do. But I am struggling to value myself while feeling so alone.

But I will make it.

Like all other struggles in my life I have learned to take it one day at a time.

Wake up. Find a purpose in this day alone.

And pretty soon the hurt doesn’t hurt so bad.

Mom

I have loved being mom

I need to find me.

Posted on in Fitness

ME! I did that!

I wanted a fourth child but couldn’t get the relationship right. Got pregnant and divorced altogether. But I was happy to be in a position to keep my kids near me while working and I was able to nurse my fourth child for two years.

I was so happy to provide for him what I couldn’t fully to all of my children. His dad is/was a great dad. He spent time with him from the very beginning and as soon as I was done nursing, my son spent every weekend with his dad.

I was fine with that because I had three girls 10 and under that needed me. My son also spent 3-4 evenings with his dad as well. Came home each night for bedtime and I was happy he had a father who spent a lot of time with him.

BUT…there’s a but here.

I counted and most of the time, FOUR nights a week my son would come home with left over McDonalds, Burger King or KFC. It began to bother me greatly. My son was developing serious nasal breathing issues and I was convinced his diet played a role. He would play video games with his mouth open and head down and I hated it.

I began research and obviously figured out all the toxins that come with fast food. I’m not a fast food HATER (well kind of but not really), I believe our bodies are made to cleanse themselves and detox. EXCEPT, when we OVERLOAD it with toxins so often.

It was a struggle, but as my son got older I began to put in his head that McDonalds wasn’t good to be eating every day and that he should ask his dad to eat different sometimes. This is where KFC came into play.

Ok, it’s different LOL! We kept working on it and meantime, when my son was with me he was not allowed to keep his mouth open. If he wanted to play video games he HAD to keep his mouth closed.

It took time but I WON THAT BATTLE. His stuffy nose began to disappear! Can you believe it? The habits we learn to live with are so important!

Long story short, as my son got closer to middle school / high school sports he spent more time at home and I pushed healthier home made meals on him and constantly shared with him reasons why we eat this and that.

At my studio I have posters and signs about all three macros and nutrients. At one point I kept a sign in the bathroom and he would read it while pooping. I never knew until he came home one day in middle school and said MOM! I was the only one is science class to know the answers about macros!

That’s when I learned he had been reading the sign and soaking up the information and I was ECSTATIC!

At 13 my son became interested in lifting weights. I shared some tips and as he began lifting with the new high school coach he became much more serious.

Today my son is knowledgeable enough about health and fitness I would let him lead my own clients!

I’m proud of him. He’s helped many other kids and teens and I know he’ll do great things!

I DID THAT! I taught him by leading with example! Only he’s much more ripped!

Fit and healthy